Things are looking up

I've not written in my blog for a few days so I thought that I'd give everyone a bit of an update. I went back to school yesterday, it was my first day back after christmas and it went well. Schools just school in the end but I'm a bit of a geek where it's concerned and actually enjoy the thrill of learning, so you can imagine what missing school all the time does to me! My lungs are at bay and under control at the moment, there were a few moments of weakness though and it's not been an easy road to recovery this time rounds. There's been tears, a lot of nebulisers, the thought of dying and of course the constant black cloud of unhappiness that being ill brings with it. Luckily so far I've not ended up back in hospital. I just touched wood and had my fingers crossed when I said that as it's friday the 13th, the day that's meant to be unlucky but I just hope it's not for me. I've got my friends 19th party tomorrow and I really want to make it! She's hoping I can and so are other people going cause we've not seen each other in a while and this will almost be like a reuinion for us all. We're off to pizza hut, then the older people (18+) are off out clubbing so I'm just gonna go home :). I'm really looking forward to turning 18, I think it will bring my confidence up because it means I can go out and meet other people at clubs and stuff. Am I worried about my health? Yes very much, I'm worried I will go over my limit of drink and pass out or do something stupid when under the influence like eat something I shouldn't then try to administer an epi pen...I just hope everyone knows when to dial 999. I will try so hard not to get to that stage though, I'm making sure that when I go out I'm with at least one person who knows about my allergies and asthma and knows when to phone me an ambulance so I think I'm okay where that is concerned. I can't really remember the last time I've properly been able to go out and act like a normal teenager. I once went out and realised I'd forgotten to bring my epi pen, my friends were like just leave it but I had to go home and never bothered going back out as it was too late. It's something I know I will have to deal with for the rest of my life and I think I do deal with it as best as I can but sometimes I just feel like it's too hard to cope and I break down. They mostly do occur when I'm in hospital but sometimes they happen out of the blue in random places with no apparent means of trigger for them. The world can be a scary place at times, and I know that all to well. It's scary enough for people who don't have ill health but I think the realisation that I could die is what makes it a scarier place to be in. I've applied to five different universities for next year, I'm also applying for college too but I'm hoping that by May when it comes to sitting my exams I get good enough results. They are all aware of my bad health and some even give consideration for it as my schooling has been severely disrupted. I'm trying hard not to get stressed out and just cross the bridges that come to me when they come to me rather than thinking ahead and getting really panicked and stressed as that's definately not going to help! Life has thrown a lot at me but I am ready to face everything else with a happy word and a smile on my face :)