Feeling a lot more positive :)

Since my last post I've been in hospital again, luckily though it was only for one night and I escaped the following day. I'm still on prednisolone, a reducing dose that will hopefully work this time. Instead of them leaving me, telling me to stop taking the 5mg after 5 days they're now trying reducing by using 2mg for 5 days then 1mg for 5 days. So far it's worked, there's been no hospital visits, so *fingers crossed* that I won't have any for a while. It's my birthday in less than a week, February 2nd. My big 18th, needless to say I'm really excited. I think turning 18 will give me more confidence because I can go out to pubs and clubs, where I don't have to drink a lot if anything and just have a good time with some friends and meet people.

On a different note, I'm repeating this year at school next year. I feel so relieved that my school's letting me do it, it's taken a lot of the stress off me. I feel better about my exams now that I don't have to sit them for another year. We were meant to have prelims next weeka and the week after, I am still sitting one of them for practice, modern studies oh how fun! The rest however my teachers have agreed that I would be better at home catching up with work. I told my boyfriend about my plans to repeat this year at school and let's just say he was less than impressed. I don't think he fully understands how much the pressure and stress of having to study for four exams between numerous hospital visits was getting to me. I don't think he sees my reasoning behind sitting my exams next year and doing my highers over two years. Yes it's true, I will be 19 when I leave school and it's like I'm holding onto childhood or whatever, but in the end I would rather do that than be under the constant pressure and stress I was under. I hate failing at the best of times and at the back of my mind all I could see was fail. It makes me feel like a failure when I don't understand things in class, but that's understandable. I'm not a perfectionist but I hate getting things wrong and failing, that's why I took the decision to repeat this year at school. I feel that it will make me feel a lot better about my situation and that it will benefit me greatly. True it's not the best of choices and I don't want to repeat a whole year at school, but sometimes we do have to do things that we don't want to do. Good things come to people who wait and I think good will come out of this situation.

I have an appointment with one of the head respiratory consultants on the 6th of February, hopefully they will be able to come up with some solution that will help me with my hospital visits. It's horrible when it's something that's out with my control. I try to be strong but sometimes I just get scared and break down. I will do whatever it takes to pass my exams next year and remain well, I'm not just going to sit back and let my illness rule my life. I am defined as me, Nicole Bridget Gray. A nearly 18 year old girl who enjoys life, likes to have a laugh, loves hanging out with friends, loves her boyfriend to pieces, enjoys watching the stars in the night sky and generally likes to smile and laugh. I am not defined by asthma and anaphylaxis! I can beat this :)