Feeling down...

Well I'm just up just now and it's nearly 2pm, talk about a lie-in :) I don't feel great at all, like yesterday my lungs are yet again bringing me down. It's hard to think what caused it this time, I'm still on prednisolone (steriods) from the last time they had me in, I'm on a reducing dose so I wonder if my lungs just can't cope without the full 40mg. I just came of the antibiotics yesterday so I'm doubting it's an infection, just my lovely lungs playing up again. I feel like anyday now I'm going to end up back in a&e like the last time...it's getting worse all over again. I mean I was in for a week then discharged, two days after I was taken of my reducing dose of steriods I was critically ill again. That's what happened the last time and I'm just waiting for it to happen this time. Sounds stupid really but what else can I do but prepare? I just feel generally run down, tired and not right. All I wanna do is sleep. I know by now you probably think I'm moaning but I dunno...I mean I just need to get my feelings out some way and on my blog seems to be the best way around it, so I appologise for my moaning. My mum and her boyfriend tell me to stop coughing...They're just worried that I will end up in hospital again like I am. I'm scared, but as I live my life by the saying what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...I feel everything I've been through, everything I'm going through and everything I will go through in the end has/is and will make me a stronger person. I live my life by the saying that no matter what is going on in your life, no matter how bad you think you have it of there is always someone, somewhere in the world so much more worse of than you. I guess that's one of the things that makes me a strong person to and something which keeps me going through the many days and nights in hospital. If people worse of than me can keep going then so can I :)

Why???

Yeah...A new post I just got a bombshell dropped which reminded me just how un-normal I am...This guy I really liked called Kris has physically just said it's not gonna happen because I dropped the hospital bombshell...he said he's not mentally stable enough to cope with it? What's that supposed to mean? It's like people like me don't deserve happiness...Other people find it mentally distressing what about us that are going through it?? I get it would be hard but still he didn't have to put it quite so bluntly...I would have liked if he'd called me ugly but no as usual my stupid health ruins everything...I say this while I'm sitting on a nebuliser because I got really upset, started to cry which made me unable to breathe so yeah...I wanna be healthy...

Bad day...

Why can't my life be NORMAL? Literally...I'm not complaining or anything, I'm very grateful for everything I have as in reality there are people who are in reality so much worse of than me but I just want to be healthy...Is that too much to ask for?

Sorry for the nerd rage but I'm just not feeling up to doing anything today...I wasn't even going to write in my blog, but I thought this will help, get my feelings out to whoever does read this. My breathing is really getting me down today. It's not too bad but it's still bad enough so I don't think I can leave the house today, I don't want to, I mean I feel exhausted yet I've had more than enough sleep. I can't  walk far without feeling breathless, I can't be normal...

Onto other things other than my nerd raging...Back to the story of my life I guess...

I feel like I've set myself up to fail where my exams are concerned. As I'm always in hospital I miss so much school...28 hospital admissions this year has left me missing half of school so far...which in turn has effected my course work so much. Four highers is no piece of cake when at school all of the time but I am really struggling. I try to catch up as best as I can but it really doesn't work...I spend my life waiting...Wondering...When am I going to be rushed back to hospital?

I've been to high dependancy once, and I hated it so much...Worse though was intensive care. It wouldn't have bothered me so much if I'd been sedated and unconcious which I spent that whole period of time wishing I was. That sounds really bad but...I just wanted to scream and cry when I was there. I felt so scared, everyone had tubes down their throats and I was wide awake watching death happening around me, I do not think I have been so scared in my life...Intensive care is somewhere I will be grateful if I never have to go to again, but it is inevitable that it will happen. Sure I did only spend 24 hours there but those had to be the most frightening 24 hours of my life...Worse than stopping breathing or having to get numerous injections.

This is basically the story of my life nowadays: injections, nebulisers, oxygen, tablets and fighting for my life...It gets really scary at times, worse is when people don't understand. I had a best friend...I don't anymore because of the reason I am about to explain. She went around my whole school telling people that I lied about being in hospital and being ill to get attention off people...I can cope with being accused of lying about a lot of things but when it comes to my health it's something which hits a nerve...Sure it sounds really unlikely that a girl spends half of the time she should be at school in hospital but stranger things happen...I actually cried because it frustrates me so much to think that people actually believe I would lie. I have scars from getting i.v lines put in, I have to take tablets, nebulisers every day just to keep me alive...I've had to have ambulances called for me numerous times and yet no matter what they do they cannot help...It's scary enough but when accused of lying I just can't take it...

Life changes...

Hey everyone, I've wanted to start blogging for a while but I've never really got round to it so this is my attempt at it. Allow me to introduce myself.

My name is Nicole and I am 17 years old. On the outside I am your average teenage girl: flirtaous, outgoing and fun but the inside is the opposite story. I suffer from two life threatning condition which come hand and hand with each other really. Anaphylaxis- or to put it into simple terms severe life threatning allergies and also severe asthma. However I've not always had this.

As a child I had a normal childhood, age fifteen I was rushed to hospital unable to breathe properly, after a five day stay in hospital I was diagnosed with asthma and put on medication to try and control it. After months of struggle with hospital admissions due to my asthma I finally began to get my life back on track again my asthma better controlled. My life changed dramatically again at age 16.

Let me put this question to you.

You are sitting, minding your own buisness, eating a nut sundae ice-cream which you'd eaten many times before, you'd be thinking nothing could go wrong right? Yeah that's what I though too, up until my face, toungue and throat began to swell up and I couldn't breathe. Phoning nhs24 I was told to administer an injection of adrenaline (which lucky enough I had in my house) and wait for an ambulance. I was not too keen about the thought of injecting myself with adrenaline...I hated needles with a passion and cried so much whenever I needed to get one. It was however life or death and I had no choice. Administering the adrenaline I had to wait for the ambulance. I was taken to the hospital where I was diagnosed with a fatal nut allergy and told to avoid nuts.

It sounds easier said than done if I am honest. In the past year and a half my list of allergies has grown in number.

I am severely allergic to: Latex, most nuts, ginger, pears, maple syrup, shellfish, penicillin, clarithyromycin, ibroprofen, aspirin and tramadol. It is in reality a lot easier said than done trying to avoid all of those things.

I found out my number of hospital admissions between anaphyalxis and asthma...28 this year, two of which were on my holiday to London.

That's another thing about me, I can no longer go abroad. My 2009 family holiday to Florida was ruined after I developed severe asthma symptoms and 911 had to be called. My family holiday to Florida in 2010 was ruined due to two seperate admissions for anaphylaxis. My 2011 holiday to London was ruined after two admissions to hospital with a chest infection.

Stay tuned to my blog for more :) xx